We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
