dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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