There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
