Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
