He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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