True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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