just tell him i said nine months
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
