there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
