I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
