I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
