I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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