I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
