fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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