Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
