I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
