I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
