i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
