If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
