My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I want is dick and wine.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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