Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
