if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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