So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
