i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
