Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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