new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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