i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
