Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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