it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
