Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
