Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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