Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
