I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
