Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
