She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
