I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have aggressive nipples.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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