It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
