I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
