you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
