I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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