Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
