Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
