i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
