My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
