I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
