You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
