Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
