how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
