you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
