I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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