he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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