we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
