YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He? As in you personified your dick?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
